An artist, a psychologist, and a corporate manager are facing a firing squad. They are each allowed one last request. The artist says, “I’d love to have one last look at an impressionist paining.” The psychologist asks to give a brief talk about coping with stress. The corporate manager then jumps up and says, “Shoot me first! I can’t take another talk on stress management!”
Work vs. Prison
In prison, you spend most of your time in an 8 x 10 cell. At work, you spend most of your time in a 6 x 8 cubicle. In prison, the reward for good behavior is time off. At work, the reward for good behavior is more work.
I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth, even if it costs them their jobs” – Samuel Goldwyn
“Some days you’re the windshield, and some days you’re the bug”
“Henceforth, there will be no laughter of smiling allowed in this building during working hours. Laughing distracts fellow employees. And if you’re smiling, you’re not thinking about your work.”
Signs on Employee Doors/Desks:
- The buck doesn’t even slow down here.
- Oh no! Not another learning experience!
- Stupidity does not qualify as a handicap. Park elsewhere!
- Nothing’s impossible for those who don’t have to do it.
- We do precision guesswork.